Idiot Farm Girls and Lesbian Vampires
by loganX5
Summary: Carly and Sam continue to add to their home movie collection. Loose sequel to 'Cowboys and Idiot Farm Girls.' Cam.


**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.**

**Warning: Contains depictions of consensual f/f sex.**

**A/N: This is a loose sequel to 'Cowboys and Idiot Farm Girls,' but can be read as a stand-alone. Told from the 'camera's POV.'**

The crackling grey static on the screen disappears, revealing the dimly lit iCarly studio. The green-screen is in place at the back, but it quickly vanishes to be replaced by a painting of a deserted cemetery at night-time. The tall spires and shadowy archways of a Gothic cathedral are dimly visible in the background. Cracked and eroded headstones are scattered across the desolate landscape, occasionally interspersed with the twisted silhouettes of scraggly, leafless trees. Bat-like shapes wheel above the cathedral, and a pale crescent moon hangs high up in one corner of the sky.

"Okay. It's ready." Carly's voice comes from off-camera. "Sam!" she says a second later. "Stop fidgeting!"

"I can't help it!" complains Sam, also off-camera. "This outfit is really uncomfortable!"

Carly laughs softly. "Yeah, and covering myself in whipped cream and chocolate sauce last night felt sticky and gross to me, but I still did it for you." Her voice takes on a tone of mock-pleading. "Won't you do _this_ for _me_?"

"Aargh, I hate it when you guilt me," Sam replies in a tone of mock-anger.

"Besides," says Carly, "you look totally hot - like Kate Beckinsale from 'Underworld.'"

"I do _not_ look like Kate Beckinsale from 'Underworld,'" grumbles Sam.

"Fine - you don't then. You look _way_ hotter! So… you remember your lines?"

"Yes." Sam sounds resigned.

"Good. Let's start then," says Carly with finality. A second later, she loudly announces: "iCarly presents: 'The Idiot Farm Girl and the Lesbian Vampire.'"

Carly walks into frame, dressed as the Idiot Farm Girl, with her western-style shirt tied just below her breasts, and her denim short-shorts slung low on her hips, the top fastener undone. She stops and looks around her with a confused expression on her face. "Oh dear. I think I might be lost!" she says loudly. "Perhaps it _wasn't_ such a good idea to take a walk by myself through the graveyard late at night, without telling _anybody_ where I was going. It's so dark, and lonely!"

At that moment, Sam enters onto screen from the opposite side. She wears a skintight black PVC bodysuit, which hugs her figure and shows off her curves to great effect. The front zipper is partly undone, showing a generous amount of pale cleavage. Her long golden hair is worn loose, spilling in a wild mass of unruly curls across her shoulders, contrasting strikingly with the shiny black outfit. Dark, stiletto-heeled boots complete the ensemble. She walks with a predatory grace.

When Carly sees the blonde, she says: "Oh. Maybe I should approach this _complete stranger_, who looks a little bit scary and dangerous, and ask her for help." Carly walks the few steps over to Sam, and says in a cheery voice: "Hiii! I'm lost and all alone and stuck in a graveyard on this dark and lonely night."

Sam regards the brunette coldly. "This is not a safe place for young girls."

"I know! I got lost!" Carly throws her hands up in the air, and rolls her eyes at her own stupidity. "So," she continues. "Do you live around here?"

"For more years than I care to remember. But you should leave. There are dangerous things around here."

"Probably." The Idiot Farm Girl nods and smiles, but makes no attempt to leave.

Sam looks impressed. "I admire your courage." She turns her head away from gazing at the brunette. "But I cannot allow myself to be attracted to you!"

"Why not?" the Idiot Farm Girl asks naively. "I think you're pretty."

Sam covers her face with her hands. "But I'm a monster!" she says dramatically. "I destroy everyone around me!" She steps closer to Carly. "But I can't help myself - I'm drawn to you… But we can never be together - you would only end up getting hurt!"

"Are you a vampire?" Carly asks with a smile. "Is that why you're drawn to me, because you're hungry?"

Sam looks shocked. "You've discovered my terrible secret! Now I can never let you leave!" She grabs Carly and opens her mouth wide, revealing the fake vampire teeth in her mouth.

"You _are_ a vampire!" the Idiot Farm Girl exclaims happily. "I had a vampire boyfriend once, but he was stupid! Are you a lesbian vampire? Will you be my lesbian vampire girlfriend? Could you make _me_ into a lesbian vampire?"

"You're not afraid of me?" Sam the Lesbian Vampire asks in amazement.

"I like your outfit," replies Carly. "Can I touch it?" Without waiting for an answer, Carly reaches out with both hands and starts fondling Sam's chest, massaging and rubbing her breasts through the thin PVC. "Feels so soft," comments Carly.

Sam lets out a little gasp. "You're arousing feelings in me that I haven't had for years!"

"Really? If you want to be aroused, you should just use your hand, like I do. Here, let me show you." The Idiot Farm Girl slides one hand between Sam's legs, and begins rubbing her through the crotch of her bodysuit. Carly leans forward and kisses Sam, gently at first, but quickly becoming heated and passionate. As she continues to rub the blonde, the kisses become more frantic, as tongues caress and then duel in each others mouths. With her other hand, Carly pulls down the zipper of Sam's bodysuit, exposing the pale skin of her breasts and belly. The hand that is rubbing her vampire lover darts inside the suit, down the front of Sam's body, to directly caress the heated flesh between her thighs. Sam throws her head back and moans, and Carly takes the opportunity to start kissing the flushed skin of her neck and jaw, occasionally nipping or sucking on Sam's ear.

"See," Carly says. "I like biting. I think I'd make a good lesbian vampire."

Carly's hand begins to move more quickly inside Sam's bodysuit, and Sam's breathing becomes steadily faster as her pale skin becomes flushed.

Carly bites down on Sam's shoulder, and the blonde lets out a small cry, sagging against her lover, shuddering with her orgasm. Carly holds her for a while, then gently lifts her chin to place a slow, gentle kiss upon her lips. "You can bite _me_ now, if you want," Carly invites seductively.

With a growl, Lesbian Vampire Sam spins Carly around, pinning the slender brunette against the front of her body. Her hands slide upwards over Carly's belly, pushing her shirt up and out of the way to expose firm, pale breasts. Sam cups and massages the pliant flesh, fingers tweaking erect nipples and making Carly gasp. Placing feathery kisses all over Carly's shoulder, neck and jaw, Sam slides one of her hands down Carly's body, pausing to undo the zipper of her shorts, before plunging inside. Carly whimpers as Sam begins rubbing her heated centre.

Sam's caresses pick up speed, and the whimpers soon turn to moans, as Sam seems to know just how to touch Carly the way she likes. Carly throws her head back, eyes closed and mouth open, as her hips begin bucking against Sam's hand. Sam bites Carly's neck with her fake vampire teeth, and the brunette cries out as she climaxes, legs visibly shaking.

Sam holds Carly close as she rides out the waves of her orgasm, then lowers them both gently to their knees on the floor. Leaning back weakly against Sam, Carly reaches up and tangles her fingers in her lover's thick blonde hair, bringing her in close for a long, slow kiss.

Breaking apart, Carly says with a smile, "See. I told you it would be fun to be a lesbian vampire."


End file.
